the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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