Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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