"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
