would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
