Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I forget how to act sober
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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