I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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