Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
