I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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