So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
