Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
