so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We need to get me chipped asap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
