I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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