the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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