'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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