I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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