My Higher Power is John Stamos
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
