**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
