then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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