just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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