matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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