Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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