I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
