I think I died a long time ago.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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