Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
