508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
