and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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