so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
