i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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