she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
