she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
