Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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