I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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