Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
