Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
