The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
