I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
