i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
