My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nicole vs. Life
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
