my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
