Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
