Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
