I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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