The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
