My Higher Power is John Stamos
only you would photoshop your dick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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