Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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