Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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