I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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