I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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