I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i now understand why vodka
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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