her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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