I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
