I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
