She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
