Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
