Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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