What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
