I look better un-naked...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
