Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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