I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
