Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
