Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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