Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize