New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
