I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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